Metal is life Amplified!! Metal confronts what we would rather ignore. It celebrates in what we often deny. In indulges in what we fear most. And that is why metal will always be a culture of outsiders.
Well…you have a number of options, really….I’ll list the top 10
Blame it on the person nearest to you. This works best when blaming small children because they’re not as credible.
Blame it on the seating. “Geeee…..these leather seats SURE are NOISY” -wink wink- Just hope that you’re not a) sitting on a wooden or metal chair or b) standing up
Slowly sidestep out of the “zone” that you farted in.
Pretend that the person who smelled or heard it is crazy. “I didn’t fart. You’re hallucinating.”
The classic “Whoever smelt it dealt it” line. We’re all really 7 years old in our hearts anyway….
Come up with a freak explanation for why the noise occurred. “It was a sonic boom”
Blame it on an animal. “It was the dog” is classic. You can get creative with it, though. “It was that passing squirrel” will work just as well. Would the guy standing next to you REALLY know how squirrel flatulence works? No, I think not.
Confuse the person next to you by coming up with random excuses as to who did it. (also see “blame it on somebody else.”) ie: “It was the letter E” or “Francis Scott Key did it.”
Pretend to be so utterly disgusted that nobody will suspect it’s you. “Oh dear LORD guys do you smell that?! That is so DISGUSTING. Why?! WHY WOULD SOMEBODY DO THAT?!”
Let it out as slowly and quietly as you can while disguising it with other noises. I won’t get too into it, but this is why you should always carry an air horn and one of those wooden whistles that mimic the sound of a choo choo train.